How we got to where we are now…

So in all honesty, I probably could have started this blog 4 or 5 years ago.  It would have gone quiet for a few years in between – with some sporadic posting – and then would have started again in earnest about a year ago.

L (my partner) and I have been together for 11 years (which makes me feel almost old!).  We were very young when we got together and very quickly moved in together, planned to spend the rest of our lives together and from the off were very clear that life would involve children.  Beyond loved up ‘won’t it be amazing’ conversations it was 3 or 4 years before we got down to talking about the practicalities.  Now we’re at the ‘about to start actually trying’ stage it feels a very long way away from the endless conversations, some lovely, some very stressful, the change of hearts (over the how, never actually wanting children – we’ve always been absolutely positive over this) and the second guessing ourselves.  Now we’ve made some concrete decisions it seems inconceivable that we ever would have picked another route (I’m sure this is how everyone feels) but it feels like I’d be leaving whole chunks of the journey out if I didn’t talk about the paths we decided against, and how we settled on the path we’re about to embark on.

It would also seem on paper (on blog?) that we’d reached an easy decision/conclusion when in fact it’s been anything but.  I always wonder how many children would be born if straight couples had to do as much thinking, planning, self justifying and justifying to the outside world as lesbian couples have to!  I’ve always felt it’s such an immense pressure to make the right/perfect decision when it seems there are endless options to be considered whereas straight couples (with the big proviso of “straight couples with no fertility issues”) wouldn’t need to, or perhaps aren’t expected to, do anything other than the norm.  I guess part of the pressure to make the right choices for your child is just one of those things that come with parenthood, it’s just the pressure starts even earlier for us as we try to decide what’s right for us as a couple, then as a (hopeful) family, then imagine how your child will react to it at ages 0 to 90!

So this doesn’t turn into the longest post ever – and send my (as yet largely fictional!) readers running for the hills – this how-we-got-to-where-we-are now section of the blog will probably run across several posts, I’m not sure how structured it’ll end up being, and forgive me for my rambling in advance.  The options we considered (or decided not to consider) went right from co-parent, to adoption, to known donor to anonymous donor, to a donor through a clinic to an existing friend to someone we’d try to meet for the purpose of either co-parenting or donation.  So I guess I’ll start from somewhere there…right now I’m going to feed our most attention seeking cat before she covers the entire keyboard in dribble (and yes, I am aware of what a lesbian stereotype I am!)


5 thoughts on “How we got to where we are now…

    • Thank you – I’m already finding it such a support (and I lurked for ages before taking the plunge and starting my own). Can I ask how you went about finding blogs of people in a similar place to you (I’m randomly searching for tags but really untechnical so might be missing something really obvious!)?

  1. I think most IF couples can relate to the planning, coordination, etc of having children. I often think the same thing. “Wow, the world would be a much different place if it cost all couples between 2k and 60k to have a child….

    Plus, instead of the typical “Oh! We feel into bed, now we have a baby!” We also have the pressure of TRULY and honestly analyzing on an almost daily basis if we’re really really ‘ready’ if we will be good parents, etc etc etc.

  2. Absolutely – I’m really really jealous in real life when people seem to fall pregnant by looking at eachother for more than a few seconds (I realise this is my problem, and hope I don’t come accross as anything other than happy for people). The only couple I’ve known recently that I was wholeheartedly-not-a-shred-of-jealousy delighted for was my cousin who was on her 4th round of IVF. It’s odd as we don’t have that much in common (though I love her lots and lots) but we really understood each other over this even though we had a different reasons/solutions to the situation we faced

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