Internet donor dating

So, the exploration of the internet sperm dating began. We found 3 different websites that looked like they had enough members to make it even slightly worth the membership fees and signed up.

I’m sure there are some lovely men who with purely altruistic reasons wish to give their sperm to childless couples, and for perfectly logical reasons have chosen to do so via an unregulated website rather than a sperm bank. We couldn’t find these men.

I’m not sure if the fact that we weren’t entirely sure what were looking for and therefore didn’t have completely fixed criteria meant we were more or less likely to find someone.  We wrote ourselves a fairly vague profile specifying that we were open to contact but ‘saw ourselves as the primary parents’ (or some similar line) and started trawling the profiles. 

So what was our criteria? Around our age, similar outlook on life, similar politics, would get on over a cup of coffee, reasonably intelligent, not hideous looking and healthy. With the exception of the interest in familial health probably more or less who we would have been looking for if we were internet dating (and were one straight woman rather than two lesbians!). 

It was immediately apparent that there was a split between the gay male equivalent to ourselves who wished to have a child the straight men who had rather more varied and sometimes dubious motives.  Our seemingly reasonable criteria (to me anyway, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m not always entirely reasonable) immediately ruled out more or less all of the straight men. The few men who passed the alright looking, healthy and reasonably intelligent test would have failed the ‘cup of coffee test’ on the basis that men who use websites because they think they’ll get to have sex with some lesbians and men who think they’re so fantastic the world should be full of their offspring and boast of ‘super sperm’ wouldn’t be my drinking companions of choice.

My favorite of these profiles, was simply his age and heigh with the descirption “I am not a fatty”.  Now the bar was pretty low, but really? Really?  You think someone is going to log on with the hopes and dreams of starting a family with the though “I’ll pretty much take anyone, I just hope he’s not a fatty”.  At least profiles like his provided some light relief in what was overall a pretty depressing process.

We did however filter, filter and filter some more, email, filter and then arrange to meet two prospective known donors…


5 thoughts on “Internet donor dating

  1. Hi, what websites did you go to? Must admit we never considered this as an option, but I’m fascinated…

  2. Not sure if I can post the links here but the three websites were freespermdonorworldwide, co parent net and co parent match.

    The first was largely American based and we didn’t find anyone who was even a maybe, the other two were OK and there was a tiny minority of gay men who fell into our “be considered” catagory. If we’d been looking for a co-parent (rather than even a known donor) we may eventually have found someone.

    I know people do use these sites sucessfully and I know of (ex of a friend rather than someone we know well) who found someone who was happy to donate monthly and then vanish, and they now have a son and the guy has vanished as promised but wasn’t for us. To be honest meeting up with the guys we did (next post!) was probably far more about a desire to make it work than something that ever would have gone anywhere…

    • I have never thought of this…I’m not interested in co-parenting a child but this option I do find interesting. It seems with the co-parenting sites that they would sign away their legal parental rights. But with the freespermdonorworldwide one do they sign away their legal parental rights?

      • All 3 sites seem to be fairly similar, except with the fsd site it’s more emphasis on just the sperm donation (and seems more US based than UK)- but the other two sites list men who say they are just willing to be donors as well.

        My next post explains some of the problems we had and why we decided against it but that’s not to say it’s like that for everyone. On the other hand I guess it’s far more risky what with meeting strangers and also taking their word for it health check wise.

        Not sure about the legal standing in the US – one of our problems with the UK system is that no one can sign away their legal rights until the child is born (so they could go after us for contact, and we could go after them for child support – you’re relying a lot on trust). It can be sorted out once the child is born though but the uncertainty would terrify me! Could be different in the US though…?

      • I’m not sure…my assumption is that it has to be a little different. But I don’t think that I am going to investigate it at all. LOL

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