So, the exploration of the internet sperm dating began. We found 3 different websites that looked like they had enough members to make it even slightly worth the membership fees and signed up.
I’m sure there are some lovely men who with purely altruistic reasons wish to give their sperm to childless couples, and for perfectly logical reasons have chosen to do so via an unregulated website rather than a sperm bank. We couldn’t find these men.
I’m not sure if the fact that we weren’t entirely sure what were looking for and therefore didn’t have completely fixed criteria meant we were more or less likely to find someone. We wrote ourselves a fairly vague profile specifying that we were open to contact but ‘saw ourselves as the primary parents’ (or some similar line) and started trawling the profiles.
So what was our criteria? Around our age, similar outlook on life, similar politics, would get on over a cup of coffee, reasonably intelligent, not hideous looking and healthy. With the exception of the interest in familial health probably more or less who we would have been looking for if we were internet dating (and were one straight woman rather than two lesbians!).
It was immediately apparent that there was a split between the gay male equivalent to ourselves who wished to have a child the straight men who had rather more varied and sometimes dubious motives. Our seemingly reasonable criteria (to me anyway, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m not always entirely reasonable) immediately ruled out more or less all of the straight men. The few men who passed the alright looking, healthy and reasonably intelligent test would have failed the ‘cup of coffee test’ on the basis that men who use websites because they think they’ll get to have sex with some lesbians and men who think they’re so fantastic the world should be full of their offspring and boast of ‘super sperm’ wouldn’t be my drinking companions of choice.
My favorite of these profiles, was simply his age and heigh with the descirption “I am not a fatty”. Now the bar was pretty low, but really? Really? You think someone is going to log on with the hopes and dreams of starting a family with the though “I’ll pretty much take anyone, I just hope he’s not a fatty”. At least profiles like his provided some light relief in what was overall a pretty depressing process.
We did however filter, filter and filter some more, email, filter and then arrange to meet two prospective known donors…